Vodafone: Buddy System from Conor Barry on Vimeo.
Vitamin Water Revive Scripts
The following scripts were written for Vitamin Water Revive (or Vitamin Water Energy) for agency Zambezi (Venice, California). We we're tasked with writing scripts specifically for Chris Rock, Amy Poehler, and Drew Barrymore. The spots feature each celebrity in front of a white background. These weren't chosen but those that did will begin airing during March Madness and thereon. This was the real deal.
Procrastination: CHRIS ROCK
Deadlines! We ALL put ‘em off. (holding a finger phone in a white man voice) “Christopher we need that hilarious ground-breaking stuff here first thing yesturday.” “I’m on it, sir.” Oh I’m on it alright, sitting on “it” in my sweatpants watching a blindfolded baby solving a rubix cube on youtube. Ground-breaking yes, funny ok kinda, but who is blindfolding babies? The fact that baby isn’t crying means they’ve done this before, and where the hell are they buying baby blindfolds?
But, I am a professional and my mansions, fast cars, and exotic wildlife reserves aren’t going to pay for themselves.
So when I really need to get on it I reach for a Vitaminwater Energy. Packed with Vitamin B and Natural Caffeine I stay on it until every mouth at Rock Wild & Exotic Wildlife Reservation has been fed.
Be Funny: CHRIS ROCK
You know what gets me down? Knowing that all those presents under the Christmas tree at the mall are empty. I’m Chris Rock I could fill all those boxes, but im not a good wrapper.
Not funny?
Well life’s not a joke, and I’m not a chuckle machine.
People see me on the streets and say “Chris be funny!” Would you go up to Simon Cowell and ask him to crush your dreams?
Being funny all the time is exhausting, so to make sure you all keep peeing your pants I keep drinking Vitaminwater Energy. Packed with Vitamin B and Natural Caffeine it gives me that extra pep in my step, so I can be funny and get away from you.
Distraction: CHRIS ROCK
I finally sit down to work and before I know it I’m thinking about whether or not I’d look good with a mustache. Since when has a handsome black man rocked a mustache that wasn’t on a GI Joe or some other action figure. I guess its easier to keep a straight face with a mustache. Would people still think I’m funny with a mustache?
Before I know it, I’m in the men’s room staring in the mirror going like this (Chris is holding his finger under his nose)
Meanwhile I’ve got no jokes, the clocks ticking, and I’m mustache-less.
I got to focus. So, I make sure my assistant always has the fridge stocked with Vitaminwater Energy. Packed with Vitamin B and Natural Caffeine, it keeps my mind from wandering… but I’ll always be thinking about a mustache.
Triple Threat: CHRIS ROCK
Jaime Fox… He can make you laugh, cry, and dance all at the same time! And those abs, man! He’s what you call a triple threat. That’s what I’m trying to get. See right now I’m just a double threat and I need a little somethin somethin to complete the trifecta. That’s why I’ve turned to vitaminwater energy. With all those B vitamins and natural energy I can finally make those early morning dance classes at the Y. I doubt he knows how to tap dance.
So watch out Jaime Fox.
9 to 5: AMY POEHLER
I hate my job… People never fill out the right forms and I get chewed out if I’m even a minute late coming back from lunch. So I started brown bagging it. You’d be surprised how long it takes before you get sick of egg salad. Everyone in Sales gets all the cigarette and coffee breaks they want but noooot me! God forbid my screensaver goes on.
In order for me to stay on top of my real job plus the whole acting thing I rely on Vitaminwater Energy. The Vitamin B and natural caffeine keep me awake at my desk and a little more pleasant around the office.
Just waiting on that call about Baby Mama 2… think about it, it’d be hilarious… she’s pregnant… again.
Scavenger Hunts: AMY POEHLER
[amy enters scene looking at a piece of paper, as if it was a map helping her find the set, she approaches camera]
You know that feeling of satisfaction you get when you find something you’re looking for? It’s like, it’s like jumping out of a cake and surprising yourself at your own birthday party. Aaaah. Look at those chills [holds out arm].
I can’t even sleep at night unless I’ve completed a scavenger hunt. My husband provides me with the clues and off I go. I have a hybrid so it doesn’t matter how many mistakes I make. But with Vitaminwater Energy I don’t make many mistakes. One bottle of those B vitamins and natural caffeine and I’m like a hound hot on the trail of a loose jailbird. [starts sniffing and walks away from camera]
“Lets start looking for clues boys” [amy in southern sheriff voice, imitates a shotgun pump]
Dreamcatcher: DREW BARRYMORE
What do you dream about? If you’re anything like me you can never remember. You spend the whole day trying to piece together your dream only to fall asleep and wake up in the same pickle… you know like a problem pickle. That’s why I make dream catchers. Big ones, small ones, mediums, but size doesn’t matter because all dreams are special. The best time to catch dreams is when everyone else is sleeping. It’s also the best time to make ‘em. But crafting them is only half the battle, which is why I drink Vitaminwater Energy. The Vitamin B and natural caffeine give me the strength and focus I need to wrangle your, I mean, my dreams from the nets and into my dream box, where they’ll stay forever.
Procrastination: CHRIS ROCK
Deadlines! We ALL put ‘em off. (holding a finger phone in a white man voice) “Christopher we need that hilarious ground-breaking stuff here first thing yesturday.” “I’m on it, sir.” Oh I’m on it alright, sitting on “it” in my sweatpants watching a blindfolded baby solving a rubix cube on youtube. Ground-breaking yes, funny ok kinda, but who is blindfolding babies? The fact that baby isn’t crying means they’ve done this before, and where the hell are they buying baby blindfolds?
But, I am a professional and my mansions, fast cars, and exotic wildlife reserves aren’t going to pay for themselves.
So when I really need to get on it I reach for a Vitaminwater Energy. Packed with Vitamin B and Natural Caffeine I stay on it until every mouth at Rock Wild & Exotic Wildlife Reservation has been fed.
Be Funny: CHRIS ROCK
You know what gets me down? Knowing that all those presents under the Christmas tree at the mall are empty. I’m Chris Rock I could fill all those boxes, but im not a good wrapper.
Not funny?
Well life’s not a joke, and I’m not a chuckle machine.
People see me on the streets and say “Chris be funny!” Would you go up to Simon Cowell and ask him to crush your dreams?
Being funny all the time is exhausting, so to make sure you all keep peeing your pants I keep drinking Vitaminwater Energy. Packed with Vitamin B and Natural Caffeine it gives me that extra pep in my step, so I can be funny and get away from you.
Distraction: CHRIS ROCK
I finally sit down to work and before I know it I’m thinking about whether or not I’d look good with a mustache. Since when has a handsome black man rocked a mustache that wasn’t on a GI Joe or some other action figure. I guess its easier to keep a straight face with a mustache. Would people still think I’m funny with a mustache?
Before I know it, I’m in the men’s room staring in the mirror going like this (Chris is holding his finger under his nose)
Meanwhile I’ve got no jokes, the clocks ticking, and I’m mustache-less.
I got to focus. So, I make sure my assistant always has the fridge stocked with Vitaminwater Energy. Packed with Vitamin B and Natural Caffeine, it keeps my mind from wandering… but I’ll always be thinking about a mustache.
Triple Threat: CHRIS ROCK
Jaime Fox… He can make you laugh, cry, and dance all at the same time! And those abs, man! He’s what you call a triple threat. That’s what I’m trying to get. See right now I’m just a double threat and I need a little somethin somethin to complete the trifecta. That’s why I’ve turned to vitaminwater energy. With all those B vitamins and natural energy I can finally make those early morning dance classes at the Y. I doubt he knows how to tap dance.
So watch out Jaime Fox.
9 to 5: AMY POEHLER
I hate my job… People never fill out the right forms and I get chewed out if I’m even a minute late coming back from lunch. So I started brown bagging it. You’d be surprised how long it takes before you get sick of egg salad. Everyone in Sales gets all the cigarette and coffee breaks they want but noooot me! God forbid my screensaver goes on.
In order for me to stay on top of my real job plus the whole acting thing I rely on Vitaminwater Energy. The Vitamin B and natural caffeine keep me awake at my desk and a little more pleasant around the office.
Just waiting on that call about Baby Mama 2… think about it, it’d be hilarious… she’s pregnant… again.
Scavenger Hunts: AMY POEHLER
[amy enters scene looking at a piece of paper, as if it was a map helping her find the set, she approaches camera]
You know that feeling of satisfaction you get when you find something you’re looking for? It’s like, it’s like jumping out of a cake and surprising yourself at your own birthday party. Aaaah. Look at those chills [holds out arm].
I can’t even sleep at night unless I’ve completed a scavenger hunt. My husband provides me with the clues and off I go. I have a hybrid so it doesn’t matter how many mistakes I make. But with Vitaminwater Energy I don’t make many mistakes. One bottle of those B vitamins and natural caffeine and I’m like a hound hot on the trail of a loose jailbird. [starts sniffing and walks away from camera]
“Lets start looking for clues boys” [amy in southern sheriff voice, imitates a shotgun pump]
Dreamcatcher: DREW BARRYMORE
What do you dream about? If you’re anything like me you can never remember. You spend the whole day trying to piece together your dream only to fall asleep and wake up in the same pickle… you know like a problem pickle. That’s why I make dream catchers. Big ones, small ones, mediums, but size doesn’t matter because all dreams are special. The best time to catch dreams is when everyone else is sleeping. It’s also the best time to make ‘em. But crafting them is only half the battle, which is why I drink Vitaminwater Energy. The Vitamin B and natural caffeine give me the strength and focus I need to wrangle your, I mean, my dreams from the nets and into my dream box, where they’ll stay forever.
Bacon Salt: A Hand Movement
We had a 24 hours to come up with a new idea for Bacon Salt. We figured if everything tastes like bacon, then you can eat everything with your hands. How cool would that be?
Untitled from Michael Epstein on Vimeo.
Unfortunately, they went with the "when pigs fly" idea. Awesome.Bacon Salt: Thumb War
Thumb War from Michael Epstein on Vimeo.
In the world of Bacon Salt the "Thumb War" is sacred. Original tunes by MATT HENNESSEY (matthennessesy2@gmail.com)AUTOBIOGRAPHY OF A BROKEN DANCE MACHINE
I'm from Missouri. The show-me state. Not to be confused with Shoney's. I wouldn't recommend showing anything at a Shoney's in Missouri unless you want more than you payed for. I am one of five boys so when I was nine I was hog tied with electrical tape and locked in a dark cold shower for seven hours until my dad rescued me like Liam Neeson in "Taken". When I was 11, I was quadruple bagged in Hefties and tossed against a garage door for an afternoon until my dad rescued me like Mel Gibson in "Ransom". When I was 14, I was duck taped to a tree for an entire night and beaten with pool noodles until my dad rescued me like Bruce Willis in "Live Free or Die Hard". All the while I was a national champion on the little league wrestling circuit, tearing up rat tails left & right but like an east Texas beauty pageant girl, my talent fizzled out with puberty. >Fastforward seven years> My first job out of college was dressing as a giant lobster, flagging down cars for a costume shop but Halloween only comes once a year and seafood isn't very fresh in Chicago especially if it's available on the street. So, I moved to Argentina and then eventually Peru for a little more edu-macation. That's a book on it's own but I did learn to speak Spanish which I use so much now. After all that monkey business I worked in politics for a time, managing campaigns and learning important life lessons such as, how to answer the question you wished someone had asked you without ever giving an honest answer, the powerlessness of a power suit without an American flag on the breast, and that a filibuster is not a small handheld vacuum made in Pennsylvania. On the Upside, When I was working for Senator Claire McCaskill, James Carvell told me I was "a smart fella". I still don't know if the Ragin' Cajun was being sarcastic but we'll count it and move on. I love stand up comedy and do it as much as humanly possible because I'm not an animal. Having epilepsy or what I call "the unconscious dinosaur hula" is also a huge part of my life. I've been hula-free for almost three years now. high fives . . . or low (if you like a weaker slap or just prefer paying cash.) Anyway, As a symbolic high five I stopped throwing away empty pill bottles and started using them to build a sculpture for my dance partners across the globe. Right now I'm about a year away from my goal. I dislike white tube socks and couples who put their dogs in their Christmas cards or just like their dogs with antlers on a North Pole background. Grrrr! But I do love advertising and creating anything that makes people feel something. Thank you very much for reading.
Conor O'Neill Barry
Conor O'Neill Barry
Blah Blah Resume
I worked in politics for about 4 years; some Congress, Senate, local, the whole shebang. I managed campaigns, candidates, messaging, and created direct mail which also was not awesome. But I did learn a lot about the world and how things actually work. I've also worked at some bars and restaurants, so if want me to take out your garbage or tie a kick ass knot at the top of your to-go bag, I can do that too. I love doing stand up comedy but I don't get paid for it . . . yet. It started as a hobby and now I can't live without it.
2009 - 2010 Best decision ever: Chicago Portfolio School (copywriter)
2008 – 2008 Steve Brown for State (Campaign Manager)
2007 – 2008 Don Gordon for Alderman Rogers Park Chicago (Campaign Manager)
2006 - 2007 Claire MCcaskill for United States Senate ( Oppositional Staff Writer & Organizer)
2006 – 2007 Jeff Smith for State Senate (Staff Writer)
2003 – 2004 Jeff Smith for Congress (Staff Writer)
Bars & Restaurants:
-Hacienda Mexican Grill (St. Louis, MO)
-Algonquin Country Club Snack Bar (St . Louis, MO)
-The Gatesworth Retirement Community Dining Room (St. Louis, MO)
-Catering St. Louis (St. Louis, MO)
-The Boathouse Grill in Forest Park (St. Louis, MO)
-BIg Sky Cafe (St. Louis, MO)
-Chicago Costume Shop Lobster (Chicago, IL)
-Sheffield's Bar (Chicago, IL)
-Emmit's Irish Pub (Chicago, IL) Still there, actually!
Education:
Post Graduate: Chicago Portfolio School 2009
College: Columbia College Chicago '06 , Universidad de Cordoba Argentina '04, Universidad Catholica de Lima Peru '05
2009 - 2010 Best decision ever: Chicago Portfolio School (copywriter)
2008 – 2008 Steve Brown for State (Campaign Manager)
2007 – 2008 Don Gordon for Alderman Rogers Park Chicago (Campaign Manager)
2006 - 2007 Claire MCcaskill for United States Senate ( Oppositional Staff Writer & Organizer)
2006 – 2007 Jeff Smith for State Senate (Staff Writer)
2003 – 2004 Jeff Smith for Congress (Staff Writer)
Bars & Restaurants:
-Hacienda Mexican Grill (St. Louis, MO)
-Algonquin Country Club Snack Bar (St . Louis, MO)
-The Gatesworth Retirement Community Dining Room (St. Louis, MO)
-Catering St. Louis (St. Louis, MO)
-The Boathouse Grill in Forest Park (St. Louis, MO)
-BIg Sky Cafe (St. Louis, MO)
-Chicago Costume Shop Lobster (Chicago, IL)
-Sheffield's Bar (Chicago, IL)
-Emmit's Irish Pub (Chicago, IL) Still there, actually!
Education:
Post Graduate: Chicago Portfolio School 2009
College: Columbia College Chicago '06 , Universidad de Cordoba Argentina '04, Universidad Catholica de Lima Peru '05
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